he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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