Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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