Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
