I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
