oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
