I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
