this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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