I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
