the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize