I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
