My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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