oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
