Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Sober January is a disaster.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
