he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
