I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
