i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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