I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
this will be a night to untag.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
