Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
