Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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