guys are only as good as the porn they watch
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
When are your genitals available?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize