Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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