what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
