I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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