I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
