she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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