You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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