Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
