also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
