i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
