so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
