I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
