Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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