i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
