Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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