whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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