I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you win again, gameday.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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