I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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