I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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