She said her name was "party"
he was CRYING into my vagina
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
