I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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