Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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