im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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