I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
