You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
