I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
