Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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