She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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