and she was petting her beer can
where does the pee come out of this thing
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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