I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
