I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
