I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I can't turn off my feet"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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