3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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