Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
