I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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