Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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