Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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