Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
