woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The power of my boobs compel you
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
