your thong is hanging out like whoa
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize