That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
