i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Screwed.edu
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
