i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
