I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize