I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i barfeds in our rink
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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