i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Randomize
