I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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