I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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