I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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