if you like me you must not know who I am
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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