Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
