The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
