you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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