Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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