I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
