i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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