So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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